My Parents Killed Me

Dear readers, 

By the time you read this, I am already in the line to reach out the heaven's door. I hope that my story will be a good lesson for all of us  especially those young and wild ones out there. You get your pleasure once but it will be your unforgettable nightmare that makes one a murderer of this innocent vulnerable little babies. My story is quite different than others because they were murdered by being tossed out of the verandah, crushed to death and worse, suffocated to death strangled by their own parents. I saw this world last a day before I turned 3 and I blamed my mother and her merciless, mean, boyfriend for what had happened to me. To my mother's so-called beloved boyfriend, you will never rest in peace because I would like to say thank you for being my murderer and killing me before my mother. This is my story.............

Three years back, mother was confirmed pregnant by doctor after she had a bad nausea and feeling sick always. But, who was her husband? Mother did not married and she ultimately got me by accident after her intimate relationship with this merciless and mean young man. Fortunately, this ungrateful and bad man accepted that my mother was pregnant because of him and promised her that he will took care of mother and I once I am  born 9 months later. You think that I am lucky for having such a caring and wonderful father? I think I am going to puke because he is bad! Very bad man! He said he loved my mother? Is that what we call love by beating her half dead whilst she was pregnant? I remembered, I was in her tummy and I heard that man called me a bad luck woman and the baby she was carrying (that's me off course) was nothing but a bad luck child. He did not care for mother, instead mother had to support him as he was not working; you know drug addict like him, who on earth would want to hire him? Wonder how my mother can be so crazily in love with this beast? Ahhh, love is in the air and man she allowed him to do anything so long that he wont leave her behind; mother, you loved that bad man more than me right? No wonder you let him killed me without showing any sign of guilty; I love you mother, yuck!!! Cut it out, I hate you very much mother and your drug addict boyfriend. 

9 months later, I was born. Thought that I would be loved and protected by my parents but I was wrong. I remembered I was not feeling well upon delivery hence I heard you said "Anak haram ini x habis-habis nak menyusahkan orang, kan baik kau mati je senang hidup aku!", mother, you know that I have been looking forward to see you but this is what I get, ok I promised that I wont cause you troubles and will love you always. Ever since then; after I was born, I was being treated badly by my mother and my unmarried father. He called me son out of wedlock, son of banshee and many more, hello sir, I am a human not a robot and have you ever think of my feelings? None right? You are one mean monster and you are not even qualified to be my father! Wonder why God created me and destined that I to be born out of wedlock. I also wanted to  be like others, having happy families but my mother of father? Mother still goes night outing with her friends clubbing as well as exchanging sex partners. Often I prayed that my beloved mother would change  her attitude and way of living and leave behind her super sacred monster but she looked at me as one dangerous insects that needs to be eliminated as soon as possible so that she could continue doing the same illegal actitivities. 

3 years later, her beloved boyfriend cum abah (ewwww I hate to put this word because this man is really bad!) took me out to town and treated me like a lifeless doll. I was happy at first, finally he could accept me as his son, but I was wrong! Oh my! What wrong I have done this time? Dad kicked me and hit me blatantly without showing any expression of mercy at all. He kept on cursing at me, readers what kind of father is that? Until the last kick, I stumbled upon my fate. I could not hold any longer, my sight was getting dim and all I could see was his satisfaction expression finally he managed to killed me without any sign of mercy. And finally.... goodbye cruel world!

Mom and dad! U may escape for now but wait till the judgement day! In front of Allah, I will claim my rights from you both! I hate both of you and I will never ever forgive you! Goodbye cruel world!

Teman Sejati

Teman sejati, mudah untuk diluahkan namun apakah bukti yang ditunjukkan seseorang yang dia merupakan teman sejati dan sentiasa bersama kita walau di mana jua kita berada baik dari segi fizikal atau jauh di mata dekat di hati. Teman sejati tidak mudah untuk di cari namun teman seketika begitu ramai sekali di luar sana. Seperti dalam posting aku yang terdahulu, aku sering dikhianati dalam persahabatan bila niat baik ku di salah ertikan dan kemuncak niat suci ku di khianati kala aku menuntut pengajian diploma. Tragedi itu terlalu dahsyat hingga sukar untuk aku melupakannya, tapi Allah itu Maha Adil, kala aku menuntut pengajian ijazah di sebuah institut pengajian terkemuka di Perlis Indera Kayangan ini, aku ditemukan dengan beberapa kenalan baru yang hingga kini aku memanggil mereka sebagai sahabat. 

Freddie Aguilar Anak (Child) English Version

Biar Lah Rahsia

Mama! Adik Benci Mama!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mama, mama tahu tak kenapa adik membenci diri mama? Mama tak tahu? Betul tak tahu ni mama atau mama buat-buat tak tahu? Yang pastinya adik memang membenci diri mama dan menyesal keluar dari perut mama ke dunia yang kejam dan penuh tipu helah ini mama! Mama nak tahu juga ke kenapa adik membenci mama hingga ke hari ini? Mari adik putarkan masa untuk mama ingat sejenak apa yang mama dah buat sampai adik membenci mama! 

Loggins and Messina - Danny's Song (1971)

Lirik Syahdu Di Pagi Rabu

Sambil aku melirik pada senarai pelanggan yang aku akan hubungi aku terpaku pada lirik lagu yang dinyanyikan oleh diva negara kita, Fauziah Latiff. Lirik dan alunan muzik yang sungguh puitis dah syahdu hingga mampu membuatkan aku terlena dan termangu seketika. Sama-sama kita menghayatinya...

Andai sampainya waktu aku harus tinggalkan mu
Akan aku berlalu bila tiba saat itu
Tak guna kau merayu dan tak perlu menahanku
Kerana yang berlalu kehendakmu

Hanya tuhan yang lebih tahu
Susah senang hidup dengan mu
Sumpah janji semakin layu
Hingga kini jatuh satu persatu
Engkau membiarkan ku

Air mata bertamu tidak kenal erti jemu
Menemani hatiku tidak mengenal ruang waktu
Mengapa dari dulu tak kau kata kan padaku
Kehadiranku ini menyusahkan

Yang terhalang kejujuranku
Dan yang terbilang kesilapanku
Memang payah dimengertikan
kerana tertutup pintu hati mu
Terima penjelasan

Biar apa jua tafsiran
Yang ingin kau nyatakan
Aku rela terima semua....

Ulek Mayang

Pasrah - Erra Fazira

Monolog Adik

Sumber: http://filsafat.kompasiana.com

Mama, maafkan adik sekiranya luahan hati adik ini sedikit sebanyak menyinggung perasaan mama, namun adik juga manusia mama, ada hati dan perasaan dan berhak untuk menyuarakan isi hati adik sepanjang berada dalam alam rahim mama selama 9 bulan 10 hari lamanya. Izinkan adik ya mama. Dalam usia 3 bulan adik berada di alam rahim mama, adik menunggu dengan sabar tibanya masa untuk adik melihat wajah yang telah mengandungkan adik selama tempoh tersebut. Namun mama isi kan perut adik dengan makanan tajam, mama sakit mama, tak kasihan kah mama pada diri adik ini mama? Adik minta ampun dan maaf mama jika adik berbuat salah pada mama dan adik janji adik tidak akan susahkan mama bila adik lahir nanti.

Kala usia adik dalam kandungan mama meningkat, adik sangkakan mama akan lembut hati dan mendodoikan adik dengan alunan zikir munajat dan ayat suci Al-Quran tapi sangkaan adik silap mama. Mama terus-terusan mendera adik dengan makanan tajam, sakitnya Ya Allah, mama adik minta maaf ya mama. Mama, adik selalu dengar mama menangis sendirian, kenapa ya mama? Kenapa tidak ada ayat yang manis yang adik dengar kan dari bibir mama melainkan caci nista dan maki hamun terhadap adik mama? Apakah dosa adik mama? Mama, sekali lagi mama, adik minta ampun dan maaf mama... mama adik janji dengan mama, adik akan jaga mama dengan baik dengan sepenuh kasih sayang adik mama tetapi adik perlukan kasih dan sayang dari mama, mama boleh kan? Izinkan adik menyempurnakan hidup mama dan papa bila adik lahir nanti. 

Sumber: http://sentuhankasihsuci.blogspot.com

Kala tiba masanya, adik mendengar mama menjerit, mengerang kesakitan, mama, sabar ya mama, adik dah tidak sabar lagi untuk melihat wajah mama, mesti mama adik nie cantik dan papa adik kacak dan bergaya. Tapi kenapa mama mencaci maki adik kala dalam keadaan tersebut mama? Mama, adik minta maaf sekali lagi mama, adik janji adik tidak akan sakiti mama lagi selepas ini. Akhirnya, adik dapat melihat wajah mama walaupun samar-samar tetapi kenapa kita berada di tempat yang jijik, busuk ini mama? Mana papa adik mama? Bukan papa kena azankan adik mama seperti mana lazimnya anak-anak lain kala lahir ke dunia ini mama? Tapi kenapa wajah mama tidak berseri dan ceria seperti mama-mama lain? Adik minta maaf mama sekiranya adik mengotorkan pakaian mama. Mama adik minta maaf mama! Ampunkan adik mama! Mama! Ke mana mama nak bawak adik nie mama? Adakah kita nak balik ke rumah mama? Mesti rumah mama besar kan, mesti atuk dan nenek x sabar nak melihat wajah adik kan mama......

Sumber: http://noktahhitam.com

Mama, kenapa kita berada di sini mama? Mama! Adik takut mama! Kenapa tempat tinggi ini mama bawa adik? Mama! Kenapa mama bawak adik ke mari? Mama! Adik takut mama.... Mama!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mama........ adik sakit mama, kenapa mata adik ini mama? Kenapa badan adik terasa lemah longlai mama? ampunkan adik mama, sekiranya kehadiran diri adik dalam hidup mama ini menyusahkan, mama..... adik ini merupakan amanah dari Nya mama, tergamak mama membunuh adik mama, darah daging  mama sendiri? Ya Allah, Ya Tuhanku, Kau lah Maha Pengasih dan Penyayang, Kau Ampunilah dosa mamaku ini Ya Allah! Berikan lah dia hidayah dan lindungi lah dia Ya Allah! Mama, itu lah doa adik buat mama...... walaupun mama hanya sempat bersama adik selama 2 jam namun adik hargai semua itu mama walaupun adik di caci, di cerca mama, semoga mama di ampunkan oleh Allah mama. Mama, adik tak boleh bertahan lagi, selamat tinggal mama, selamat tinggal dunia...

_________________________________________________________________________________

Sumber: http://teratakkarmo.com

'Adik' dalam monolog ini adalah bayi yang baru dilahirkan dan kemudiannya di buang atau di bunuh oleh ibunya sendiri gara-gara keterlanjuran dengan bekas teman lelaki nya sehingga mengandung anak luar nikah. Kehadirannya dalam hidup ibunya langsung tidak di alu-alukan menyebabkan si ibu tergamak membunuh si anak yang tidak berdosa ini dengan mencampakkan dirinya dari bangunan tinggi. Kalau lah si bayi yang tidak berdosa ini pandai berkata-kata..... Aku meletakkan diriku di tempat bayi malang ini, sebak rasanya hati. Aku hanya mampu menukilkan di sini sahaja kerana tidak sanggup lagi mengenangkan tragedi buang bayi ini. Monolog adik ini moga di jadikan pedoman dan iktibar buat kita semua.

Bukan untuk menyalahkan kaum Hawa namun menyatakan anak itu amanah Allah. Sekiranya malu di cemuh dan di cerca masyarakat, serahkan anak itu kepada yang inginkan anak, jangan menjadi pembunuh. Kaum Adam juga harus bertanggungjawab di atas keterlanjuran mereka dengan kekasih mereka. Semoga monolog ini dapat memberikan iktibar kepada kita untuk menyelami perasaan si kecil yang tidak berdosa ini, kerana mereka tidak di minta untuk di lahirkan ke dunia ini melainkan dengan izin-Nya.

-Fadhil Zhafri-

2130 hrs

Bangsar

Tun Fatimah Nazam; After 10 Years

Yes, it has been 10 years since I last saw this friend of mine whom I had known since school days. And today unexpectedly I reunited again with her at Chawan Bangsar. Well she is still the same girl that I know although it has been 10 years down the road. She is Tun Fatimah Nazam, my senior back during my school days at Sekolah Menengah Kebangsaan Subang Utama. We had known each other during the Annual General Meeting of Theater Club; opps did I say theater club? Yes I have deep passion in acting and singing even till today that I wish I can be a model but to no avail as I dont have the look hehehe...

This is something that I will remember forever, reunited with a long lost friend, Kak Tun Fatimah Nazam.

Above all Kak Tun, it was a great pleasure to see you again. Hope stay in touch ya. One day I will introduce you to my wife. She would be pleased to meet you in person.

-Fadhil Zhafri-
Naza-Brabus Motor Sdn Bhd

Berjuntai Tin Dredging and I

Yesterday I stumbled upon a book, The First 100 Years History of Malaysia Mining Corporation 1911-2011 (today known as MMC Engineering Berhad). I don't know why but quickly I began to remember the greatest childhood days ever that I had experienced during our stay there. My father was the dredge engineer there and it was the longest place that we stayed till 1990, when the price of tin continued to dwindle. I must say that I had the best time of my life there.

My family first came to Batang Berjuntai in 1984 after father was transferred from Keramat Tin Dredging, Tapah, Perak Darul Ridzuan. I was only one year old back then and my mother was expecting my second brother back then. We first stayed at the single storey bungalow not very far from the main gate of Bukit Minyak Engineers Residency (those who worked in the mining areas lived in luxury back then as all utilities were paid for and one just bring their suitcase and important belongings into the house provided by the company). Although I was only one but I remembered the house, air conditioned and fully furnished. 

Later in January 1985, we shifted to another single storey bungalow, addressed BM21 and the house was located about less than a kilometer from the mess hall. Similar size like the earlier house, but it was nearer to the mess hall where Mak always brought me for swimming there as well as having lunch or dinner there. Back then, the mess hall cooked the best Oriental Chicken Chop and Oriental Beef Steak and its signature dish, Chinese Fried Rice ( a must to have each time fellow engineers threw birthday parties or BBQ parties there). Mak gave birth to Fateh, my little brother back then after we shifted to BM21. Like any other houses there, all master bedrooms were fitted with air conditioners; Carrier or Philco brand (wonder what happened to this Philco brand). 

When Farah was born in 1986, we were still there and I was 3 years old. And father always brought me to the mining pool site where dredges operated 24 hours a day 7 days a week.

Source: http://www.cuti.com.my/album/displayimage.php?album=1113&pos=20

I remembered that day, it was raining heavily and mishap took place on the dredge BTD 06 hence my father brought me together with him to the mining pool and there it was, standing tall like an ailing gruesome monster, according to father, the dredge hit a big floating wood that it accidentally broke one of its pontoon and the dredge was slunted a bit due to the water sipping inside the dredge; that was the unforgettable moment for me seeing the dredge live for the first time. Before that, right in front of the main gate, there was an abandoned dredge, dredge BTD 05 and I could see how big was the monster standing gigantically in front of the main gate to the residency. If I want to go to Batang Berjuntai town, I would surely pass another mining pool belonging to Seng Kee (correct me if I am wrong) and there it was, standing tall, an old rusted dredge (sold as scrap after 10 years being abandoned). 

We then shifted to BM16 in 1987 a year after Farah was born, bigger house, bigger lawn and off course bigger playground for us. And that was the time when the abandoned long sleeping dredge BTD 05 went to live again. The sound of the machine was gruesome especially in the night, like a banshee questing for her victims. And for the first time ever I saw dredge BTD 05 in motion. Actually one could not see the dredge was in motion because it was huge hence it was hard to notice its movement. I must thank father for exposing me with the reality being a dredge engineer. It was not easy at all as he was always on standby in case anything went wrong with dredges back then. I guess I was very lucky enough to see dredges operating in real life not by mere reading or through pictures. 

But, that was years ago and I knew that I wont be able to turned back the clock. How I wish I could so that I just want to experience it once again and again. We moved from Berjuntai Tin in 1990 leaving behind thousands and one memories there. I wont be able to see dredges operating in life again. 

-Fadhil Zhafri-

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