Since yesterday, I have been like this and felt like the earth is trembling and crushing on me. I am feeling lonely filled with anger, frustration and avenge to what had happened to me in the past. I am frustrated with myself because all things that I had planned did not work at all whilst others are reaping their riches and wealth. I have been working damn hard all this while but non seemed to work whilst others use the other way to reap their wealth and making money by oppressing others, back stabbing and even teasing others so that people will look down at them. How about those who are dedicated and worked hard to be at a place where they deserve to be? I am frustrated with what happened to me, I have been striving to get myself out from my dark life but this is what I get from my hard work, nothing but frustration.
The black tragedy that happened to me some 8-9 years back had somehow changed my personality and character from a cheerful, jovial and friendly into a vengeful person, temperamental and phobia. I could stil recall that incident and I will never forget that incident in my life, never ever I will forget that. They called me into their room and I wondered moment I entered their room the room was dark with 5 of them inside there. I was bashed without mercy and to my big surprised my own room mate was there as well! Ahhh....the person whom I always covered him with all lies to his ex-girlfriend whilst he went out with other girls was there and only watched me being bashed by those merciless bastards, so sad right to see that? Jealousy and hatred had been nurtured inside their mind since the day I entered this prestigious university in the southern part of Malaysia. Hence they were looking for faults and wrongdoings and this is what I get, bashed up without mercy. That incident instantaneously changed my character to a vengeful person. To me, these kind of bastards don't deserve to live in this world. If they could, they wanted to finished me off that night so that they could get rid the person whom they perceived overshadowing them.
Now I am angry, who the hell you think you are? Do you think that you both are so damn good and perfect to bashed people without mercy? Why I did not protect myself because remembering my mother's advice, let other do bad things to us but never we do bad things to others. Till now, I am still haunted with the incident and there would be time where I became restless and angry when seeing others being bashed up. I screamed and tried to protect myself when ever I remember the incident. Not that I did not want to tell anyone but they would put the blame on me by saying it is my fault and I need to change but hello!!!! I am being myself and if you cant accept me as who I am, just get the hell out from my life and dont need to be a hypocrite being nice to me and then wanted me to follow your way and style, cannot accept just walk off and get a life!
Now damage done and what have u guys done to me? Please return back the old Ahmad Fadhil Zhafri Bin Ahmad Fuad to me! Do you hear me???? I want my old self back but you guys had killed him. Although I have forgiven you guys but you are no longer my friends and I had considered you guys as dead in my life but please return the old me back will you??!?!?!?!? this is the damage that you guys need to pay for dragging me into this hell hole! Because of you guys, the place where I studied was nicknamed by me as THE HELL HOLE and the college where we stayed as the THE HELL HOSTEL! thank you guys for making me a vengeful person, is that what you want right?????
I am putting the blame to myself too for not reporting to the higher authorities neither my parents back then because of sympathetic to them, yeah they all came from a not-so-rich family so I kept quiet but full with revenge but later it became a silent cancer in my heart that it is still growing in my heart till today. Why I did not tell my parents because I knew the blame would go back to me, they all thought that I started the issue, and I was so sad that all I wanted was to get out from that HELL HOSTEL and that HELL HOLE and go to other place where people accept me as who I am.
I have to stop here because it will hurt me further. Please bring back the old me again in my life!
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